Hi, I am in class now and I was soooo disappointed with my result this week.
My engineering design drop to B.
Yet, everybody keep telling me that getting a B is a very very good result already.

So, my question is, do you think so ?

Why

2nd week of school was worse than 1st week.
Some team mates start to show their true colours.
And one of my team for one of the module screw up.
Ended up, I rushed home after revision in sch. Help them with the worksheet on the phone.
Till late in the night...
Then, leo system down, cannot submit my RJ and etc... worst ever, got to email my faci.

Now, cos of korea trip need to apply for LOA. Worse RP holiday system ever.
And, I am suffering in silence, hiding in my bed tearing. People keep saying that I will be able to make friends in poly.
I tell you,
IT IS NOT EASY TO MAKE FRIENDS IN POLY, NOT JUST RP.
everyone is independent. Yes, me too. I got xin shi, I keep to myself. No one I can trust.
I wanna share with someone, but I only choose to share with someone whom I am close with.

I keep losing appetite. Eat only bread/cookies for the pass few weeks...
Busy with work and getting tired when I reached home.
No time for facebook, youtube or any other stuff which I like to do most.

I keep thinking why am I not important to someone close to me.
Why is it that you cant hear me just a 15 or 10 or 5mins.
there are so many why inside my mind...
Why cant you just show concern for me.......

Outcast

Hi, I gonna blog a proper post since I am waiting for my hair to dry.

As you can see from the title, outcast.
Outcast from where ?
-ITE.

Yes, you people might think that, we all were once friends or very close grp of friends in ITE.
After graduating, we will be drifted apart cos of Poly friends and etc. But no ah...
My ITE friends were always together after school. In twitter, post pictures do stuff all together.
I feel so outcast. They will talk to me and etc. They even want me to share my day with them.
But you know what. Why is it that there is a need to share my day with them when I am outcast from them ?
They see me as a Hi-bye friend. And nothing else.

-Poly.
Classmates, yeah, they started to bond well when times goes by.
Not much conflicts but on monday, I wasnt feeling well yet the guys in my grp throw me to do everything. And make fun of me. At the end of the day they asked me to rest and said sorry to me.
Today, i group with other pple and was being scolded stupid after clearing my doubts. hahaha.
I am such a loner in class. I am trying my best... I am enduring...

Now I think about it. I only have Damian, dini, huiju and eddie. No one else.

Anyway, my result for last week daily grade all out.

Engineering Design - A
Problem Solving - B
Maths - B
Science - C

Holes

Hi, why holes ? :O
Sad to say, my bag, that very big brown colour bag which was bought from zinc got hole !
I think it is because I put too many stuff inside that causes the bag to be very heavy and tore a little :(

Addition to the pair of shoe ! That shoe was bought like around last year august or something.
I dont know why I wear the shoe till got hole. And can see my smallest toe. Then when everybody sees it, they say., " AWW, its so cute !!" Therefore, I wear sock and everybody will say " I see what your toe doing there~"
My shoe was terribly tore... other than the hole areas... the shoe expand and it become really big for me... When I ran to catch a bus the other time, my shoe drop off and I ran back to get my shoe. LOLS.

Bought a bag ytd at BHG, got backbone support. Previously the bag doesnt have any backbone support.
And my backbone hurts very much. Also, can put my laptop inside too ^^
Because I am SHORT. Therefore, I cant carry a big/heavy bag. This bag from Nike very expensive but it can last me very long too ! :D I keep staying there to make decision until everyone keep telling me to take that expensive bag. LOLS. Good for my backbone. I took the red colour because it is nice. The display set red colour bag is the last piece @.@ Selling so good !

Bought a pair of shoe from G market. Yes the brand called Toms, quality is good and comfy, heard that it is very expensive around $85/$90(selling at orchard). I see the Gmarket retail price is $98 !!!
Yet, Gmarket selling at $14 !!!! Plus $5, which I dont know why either. LOLS maybe cause of the size.
So it will be $19 dollar. Mom also bought the shoe. Thus, it will be $38. Add $2 cos of the shipping fee.
Total will be $40 !!! TELL ME CHEAP OR NOT !!! LOLS

Yeah. Tmr I will be bringing my new bag to school. :)
Anyway, I HAVE NOT DONE ANY REVISION YET COS I busy with my family and RP admin stuff...
RP system really can go bang wall...

Reflection

1st week of school just over and yup. I have so many things to say but I dont know where to start. Neither do I think anyone would be interested in my first week of poly life. 

Basically, I dont have anyone to share my 1st week of poly life. So I will just gonna share it here.

Monday, we dont have any class or smth. We were just told to go to our respective classroom that we gonna head to the next day. 

Engineering Design, I am weak at it and yeah...

Science, I am weak too...

Problem solving, at least I know how to shoot back when pple shoot me with problem...

Math, I become power ranger because of the indices.

My bag got hole, my shoe got hole... sigh... 

My ITE friends all now having fun outside.

While I am here typing and wish that someone could talk to me... 

But there's none. I am a FOREVERALONE !!!

The very first day of Poly life.

Hello, today is tuesday, suppose to be second day of school.
But we only officially start lesson today. Because ytd, we went to our class and we get to see our classmate and a lot of stuff to know and etc. Because we learn stuff and do assignment through the RP system, which is inside our laptop called LEO.

I wanna make friend with the girl sitting beside me ytd, But she seem to show no interest in making friend with me. Yet today she laugh and talk so loudly to one of the guy in her team. Okay nevermind.

So, yeah today was the first day of school. As in, we study and etc.
I reached school very early. Cos we got to be in class 15 mins earlier.
Settled down and then the faci (our lecture, in RP we call them faci) tell us to go to our team.

Went to my team and talk to some of them... for self intro.
Was kinda happy that I talk to them, better than nothing right ?
Then we started to solve the qns... As in, the problem for the day.
I felt so hopeless. The one and only thing I can do is to draw and give them to put into the ppt.
Is like, they learn stuff so fast. While I am like so slow. I keep on asking them qns and they keep explain to me again and again. I am happy about it. Yet at the same time, I got worried because I unknowingly show my weakness(my problem, understanding lvl v low, learn things slow) Its like I scare that I leave a very bad impression for them. And afraid that after 5 weeks, the grp disperse, they will tell other pple that I am a slow learner or smth.

I feel that today I didnt contribute much because I dont understand abt the module and I think I perform badly too. Sigh... I just hope that tmr will be a better day.

About making friends in my class, yes. The guys in my class bond very well. While girls also the same but.
Some do come and talk to me. Some dont even come and talk to me. My own team do not say bye to me when they leaving. I was really very scared, i dont know if did I do something wrong ? Or did I do something that they dont like ?

Ps: Got one flirter in my class flirt with china girl.... hais... why guys are like that ?

A brand new environment.

Hey guys. Long time no see, how are you ? hahaha

Yesh, I went to do the enrollment in RP and I went down to RP every single day except weekends.
I did all the document stuff with my parents. As well as buying a laptop. hahaha. Yup.

Anyway, my laptop brand is HP Envy 15. Weight : 2.1kg... Its really v heavy @.@
With beatsaudio.

Update
Hello, yeah. I am sorry for blogging halfway. Was busy with my poly stuff. I worried too much of it and make myself moody and then dont feel like doing anything.
So I was saying that I got a lappy HP Envy 15... Well, it wasnt my choice of getting that lappy.
All the while, I only thought of getting Fujitsu. I got HP cos my dad wasnt happy that I choose other laptop.
Plus I want my day to be happy, since my parents going down with me to my new school. Which they havent been like that for years. Thus, I give in and got the HP lappy. The first time holding on to it. It was seriously heavy...

After buying the laptop, went to configure it. While waiting, went to have Subway with parents and I eat half way, I left. And went to the place cos I was kinda worried abt my lappy. :/ Waited for hours and finally I can reset password and etc. hahaha. But due to my forgetfulness. The moment I set finish my password, I forget.
So I got to reset again and wait again... Btw, we need to set like so many password... T.T
Then, in the end, my mom turn to pissed off then everybody pissed off. Hais... I so stress already plus they pissed off. I feeling v frustrated la... T.T

I was hiding away from Eudora also. Cos I dont wish to see her. She went around asking pple which course I got in. She know already still ask me, what she want sia ? And she even confronted with me cos of this.
WTF !!!

Lets talk abt he orientation. I same grp as her because, she dont want to be alone. Then, she go join School of Engineering (SEG). End up meeting us all to go to sch and same grp as her. -.- She keep sticking to me and once I left her. She will spam me with smses and calls. -.- Then I was v hot, doesnt wanna stand so close to her yet she still stand so close. Stand at my place watching concert. WTF.
She, herself, make use of me to make new friends and get close to them. Throw me aside. Nevermind. I dont need her anyway. These 3 days, I get annoyed by her. She didnt cheer and she said she is having loads of fun. She keep quiet and etc... NOTHING ELSE. I think her mind smth wrong. I know I shouldnt care abt her but seriously as long as she does not appear infront of me, I am fine with it.

1st day, we played some game, some were fun. I injured myself and I told Eudora but she didnt care anyway, as expected ! I try to make some friends whom are from china and some malay guy. Those china girl thought I was some alien like that -.-
But another pair of china girl are really v friendly, looking chio like korean too ! I like them ^^.
Btw, 2nd day got less than 10pple in the grp. Its okay, we went to look at what CCA(IG-interest grp which is called in RP) they offer and there were like A LOT !
I sign up for comic cos I can draw, since I cant continue design courses... :( Then Eudora go join also.
Why join when cant draw ? We continue to see other CCA, again, she ask we all to join the CCA that she interested in. Sorry no way. We are not you. Later on, she show me attitude cos, I needa help HuiJu to sign up for the comic CCA. Then I ask her to go sign up for the photography CCA, so that no need to waste so much time. She said, meet us at the comic booth. I said no need cos since we need to go through the photography CCA to proceed to our home base. Then she give attitude lo. hahaha, give la, I say de stuff got logic one. Unless u scare we all went missing ?! Everytime ask u urself to go sign up first, always ask we all to wait for u and stay close together. If get lost, go back home base la. Like as if you dont know where is the home base. Then, we return to the home base, we learn cheer, she went off with those china girl a couple of min and I was alone. Cos she got a best seat for herself. While I dont have any. The cheer wasnt really fun cos I cant hear clearly... I cant rmb well...
3rd day, I enjoy myself. Dance and etc. SCREAM !!! LOLS. I got damn irritated in the night, I think cos I was v dirty and wannna bathe. I sunburn also. Plus she irritate me v much also. Sigh...

These weekend, I went out and see lots of girls wearing almost the same... I dont know why... Why they cant dress up themselves and keep follow other pple ? I felt sad also... cos tmr gonna get to know my new classmate and there's lots of guys and most of them are malay ! I got realy v worried... that I skip my meal...
Plus got a few attack cos pple are drifting away from me... btw, my lappy charger spoil...

Currently.

Ever since I know which poly I going, I didnt rest enough and lost of appetite.
Diarrhoea strikes in the middle of the night... followed by flu and sore throat.
Right now, I am spamming Chrysanthemum tea.

Tmr, I'll be heading down to my new school. Got to buy a new lappy.
And I not sure which lappy is good and cheap. What do you guys think ?

Intense period...

Hello. These few days a lot of stuff happening around.

Friends, can no longer be the same anymore... They only think abt themselves. Can even betray people...
When I need them, they werent there. Some were so fake... Some even scolded me, argue with me... when I am at my lowest point...

Most of my friends have boyfriend. One of my junior, whom I've been talking abt in one of the post.
Yeah, ytd I went out with her after settling my stuff... I dont know why I feel that, when I am out with her, she is not happy... I dont know why... Everytime(not just ytd) when talking to her, she will indirectly shoot me. And give me that type of face... sigh...

Poly, chances is there for me but I keep letting it go... Chances were there again and again... But I let go of it...
At this point, I can only blame myself for being a coward... Scare of this and that and dont dare to give it a try.

Now, regret got use ? No use, just face it and be strong be brave.

STAND ALONE !!! I know i can do it... just be brave... I do it before, so plssss continue !!!!!!!! GOGOGOGO

I am so screw up.

Hi... Ytd I went to RP to see if I can appeal for the Game Design course.
They ask for my result slip. They see my result, very happy. They ask me which course I want.
I said I want Game Design. The person said its full. Then, I choose another course again and said its full.
Basically almost all the courses are full in RP.

Went to NP, to ask the criteria to appeal. I gonna appeal for my first choice; Animation and 3Darts.
Over there saw, Shirley and her boyfriend and the boyfriend's friend. After having lunch, which I didnt eat anything cos I was preparing for the appeal letter... Ramon, Shirley, Shirley's bf and I went over to SP.

Wanna ask the criteria but it somehow got to do with DAE. Furthermore, they say got to went through interview. There's so many procedure and I still have to register for the course in RP first... = Have to pay sch fees. What if, lets say I am lucky. I got into NP. Then, I can withdraw from RP but the school fees how ? T.T

Hais... ytd morning I dont feel right at all. Gonna go to those poly and walk so much. hahaha... and didnt eat anything... End up my fever got worse, 39.1... Having this fever to organise my stuff and get ready for later on appealing...Lucky Shirley willing to meet up with me... If not, I guess I die outside with this type of fever, nobody also know. Yeah, and pple say that I stress myself too much and thats how the fever come...

Another thing is, I know why I didnt get the letter from NYP. Cos I realise that I forget to give them my home address !!!! GRRRR !!!!

Kay, the end... I am so screw up, guess everyone who's reading this will say I stupid and etc.
Start to dislike me or dislike me even more...

Which courses.

 I dont mind which poly I going. What I mind is the courses that I'm going to study.
Yeah I have been having nightmare every night. I cried in my dream.
First, abt my dad leaving us, leaving this world.
Second, abt my GPA, score badly.
Third, abt going to the Architecture courses which is not part of my 5options.

Abt my dad, yeah, am keeping an eye on him... I went to sao mu with him and accompany him to go anywhere.
Its my fault that I sleep late, wake up late. And delay his time. I am he is angry with me. But after awhile, he is not angry anymore. We watch monkey jumping from tree to tree at Mandai... We went chinatown and make fun of me wearing a long apron cos I wear short shorts which is not allow in the temple.
When I am hungry, he bought food for me. Sharing the food. Bringing me to the places of the chinatown which he goes there often. Bring me to see the advertisement of a girl who look exactly like me and make him remind of how I look like during my prom nite... Sitting on a long bus journey back home and feed me with strepsils sweet... kay, enough... I just wanna spend a moment with him, even if smth really happen, I wanna cherish those moments... and never live with regret...

Abt GPA... I wake up at 7.30am. Waiting... login at 8am sharp, no result... 8.01am...8.02am... 8.03am...
yeah, refresh quite a no. of times and yeahh... was shocked...

FYP - B
Game packaging -B
Total of GPA 3.
Cumulative GPA 2.6

I know that I have give my very best. Cos B is a v good grade already. A ? yeah, dream on.
Unless ur design all these are superior !!! Yeah, I even ask myself. why cant I get A ?
People's work all better than mine, put in so much effort...

Then I came to realise that, yes, some pple get A for FYP, v few of them... but most of them
from 3pointer drop to 2 pointer. I was really v surprised... Some pple improve, but not much...
I start to worry or should I say, I worry for a long time, will I get into poly ? With GPA 2.6 ? Will I get called to go interview ? Then, my portfolio ? How am I going to survive with my portfolio ? What am I going to show inside ? What am I suppose to do ? Will I be given a course that is not part of y 5 options ?

I dont know... I feel so stress and angry and sad !
Result will only be out tmr 2pm... Then I will get to know the path which I am going to...