No more

Hi, recently, there're lots of stuff happening around. One of it is my family. But I am not going to say it here.
Then, I went out with my Poly Mates and ITE Mates. Gathering and boding session with them.

I will blog more abt it soon cos I am not feeling well and also something is going on here...
so yeah... byee.

Hi, I was suppose to prepare presentation slide on Steve Job but... I just couldnt do it.  :(

Poly life is getting harder and harder each day. Struggling everyday !
I always believe that, even if life is getting harder. It is good to have someone who is there to walk down the rocky road with you. Stress together, enjoy together. Might not be able to solve my problem but willing to listen to my problem.

That is something which I wanted, I miss those time in ITE, school was stress. After school, we would go somewhere to have dinner and relax. I want something like that.

Now, is like... After school, stay in the library to do work. By the time I finish my work. Its 8pm plus, went home, eat bathe and sleep. Next day, wake up again and same routine going on and on again.
To me, time is everything, time is precious... I already cut down things which I love and enjoy doing.
Its okay... I believe that I can enjoy doing stuff again... :)
I believe that someone will be there to walk down the rocky road with me... :)
I believe that someone will reduce stress with me... :)

Hi... taking a break from making notes...

I AM REALLY !!! Mentally tired...
First, classmates as in my tt grp might treat me good but, what ever thing that happen. No one will be there to help me, I have to get it done by my OWN. That is when, I burst out of tears last friday because I am lost for like the whole week... WHOLE ONE WEEK. And my daily grades werent that great.

Second, I keep asking questions to clear my doubt, but its not enough ... its ... like pple were ignoring me !!!
Pple who are close to me, doesnt help, how abt people who are not familiar with me ?

I am all alone, struggling in EVERY SINGLE THING ! I am tired... I am seriously tired...
Can I have a break ?

Grown up

Hi, a quick update...

School first, I got back almost all my result and so far, fail 1 module but other modules didnt do well.
Only just pass or  pass slightly better !

This coming week is UT 2. I havent start studying also. I feel so not motivated... My laptop hard disk corrupted.. No laptop for me to study because all my notes inside... everything just went missing. Keep running here and there to do my laptop thingy... I really wish that monday I can get back my laptop. Also, hope can borrow laptop from sch, if not I cant even go to sch already...

Parents not at home... I got to deal with all these stuff by myself... My brother will accompany me and etc.
I really appreciate that. Sighhh. I dont know if its a test for me since my parents is away... for me to deal with all those stuff to become a grown up.

I dont know why is it that I care so much for someone who dont and wont given give a damn abt me.

I dont know why is it that I can tear for someone who dont even bother.

I dont know why is it that people can have such a good friends who love them but I cant.

I dont know why is it that I can coach pple abt rls when I myself doesnt have any rls experience.

I dont know why I just cant have someone to rely on.

I dont know why no matter how much effort I put in, I will not get a good grades...

I feel like giving up.... I wanna disappear frm the world... forever... 

Good old times.

Firstly, A very Happy Birthday to my beloved daddy !
He is not sweet but he is caring :D A good man in da house ! :D
Was suppose to celebrate dad's bday but smth happen ... so nvm =.=

Secondly, I am happy that ytd I talked to most of my maple friends.
Knowing how well they are living right now and I am really happy for them.
Some even got boyfriend after that yearning for one ! Really very envy ! Seriously happy for them :D
That moment of time, something strikes me to go back to maple.
But if I were to go back to maple, I dont think I will be back to studying.
Also, I want someone to play with me who will protect me.
Cause, I know that I play maple alone, I wont be able to survive.

Lastly, I've not been eating a full meal. I mean only eat lunch and really... v tiring and stressed up !
School is getting harder. Life is getting harder.
How I wish someone can understand how I feel !!! And blog is the only place I can rant !!!

Cos everyone is drifting away from me.

Chore or ... ?

Hello !!! This whole week was like a "think-too-much-week" for me.
Because... of all the people around me... I not sure if its cause that people treat me nice cause its a chore for them or they really want to treat me nice ?

Let talk about my classmates. (Aiya, basically I'm just gonna talk abt them cos this is how I feel frm them)

Firstly, let me do an introduction about them first.
I said before that my class consist of lots of guys and malays.
So, when having lunch, we chinese, went to the food court together. ( I am not racist here)

This consist of,
-Me
-YF (Girl)
-HK (Boy)
-KY (Boy)
-Cly (Boy)
-Png (Boy)
-GM(Boy)
-Ben(Boy)

YF and HK very close, it seems like they have secret or whatsoever. Always stick together. Even though YF got bf. But she seems to be doesnt matter. Whenever she see me, she will went so happy and keep jumping and hoping around. Sometimes even hold my hand and etc. But when it comes to like talk abt stuff. Yes she will talk to me but then, she still prefer HK than me, which I dont know why. And I feel that its okay. But some people doesnt feel that its okay...

Recently, her attitude towards me change...  she doesnt talk to me like how she used to... Then talk abt stuff which really can hurt me. Being selfish and etc...

She talked a lot and a lot of the people whom I have listed down, talked to her as well. Till the extend when I wanna talk... nobody doesnt want to talk to me. Its like either I am walking infront or behind... Sometimes, when she is not around, I talk. But their respond wasnt like how they respond to YF. Sometimes... can even see that they are just putting on the show.

Anyway, I feel bad when talking abt this. I seriously think I am talking too much. I MEAN thinking too much !
(Ps : I took a long time to think and blog but i dont know why I just dont want to talk abt it as I think I am thinking too much)

Nowadays, I think of smth and after thinking for like days or whatever, I feel that I really thinking too much and let it go. I am still learning to control myself, as its not easy as what U guys think. Cos I have high neuroticsm.

Not just only classmates, I've been thinking too much about my GPA. It drops !!! From 2.9 to 2.8
I not sure if I am giving myself too much stress or I have high expectation of myself.
People were telling me, this is only the 1st year, 1st semester only. You so chiong for what.
Yes, for what ? Why do I have to do all these ? How does it benefits me when I score well ?
Cos, I am aiming for university now... Its so hard... so... so.. hard !
I feel that I sooner or later, I will not be able to hold on to the car that is speeding anymore...

Let me end this post with some photos that I took this week.

Remember that it was a monday and it was a very humid weather. Last min plan to had dessert and walk around the nearby shopping mall before heading home to do RJ and etc.

This guy above ask if I would like to go for the art exhibition at scape and I brought Cat along :D So that at least I have someone to talk to. LOLS. 

We were copying someone with the expression LOLS. and I didnt know that the candid shot that Cat took of me doing some expression can be so nice too. LOLS. 

Inside joke :
 Cos whenever i type, I will type v fast or I blur or smth. End up here is the joke...
Cat : So which flirter do you wanna use to take photo ?
Me : NONE
Both of us : -laughing away LOLS-